12/25/11
It's a slog to get to Bangkok on a free airline ticket. 12 hours to Seoul, 5.5 hours to Singapore, 8 hour layover (not entirely sure what the hell I did with myself but somehow the time passed), and 2.5 hours into Bangkok. But, when the ticket is free, and flies you on Singapore and Thai Airways, there's not too much to complain about. Hot towels, hot meals, plenty of beverages, loads of free movies on a personal screen, free toothbrush/paste and socks (socks!), and, of course, all that time alone with the delightful company of yourself.
After two days of travel (a truth, not an exaggeration when you work in the time zone math), I arrived into BGK on Xmas day. No better place for a Jewish girl to be. From the airport, I could've shelled out an entire $10 (actually, despite my sarcasm, $10US is actually a significant sum for anything in BGK...) for a taxi, but I was hell-bent on proving that I could successfully navigate the train system while flying solo. I did, and I only embarrassed myself for about 10 seconds when realizing that there are "change only" and "bill and change" machines at the station. An hour later, I successfully glided into my hotel room at the Wow! Bangkok -- and yes, the "!" is part of the name. Umm, there is not really much Wow to the Wow, but it's nicely located in the Sukhamvit district less than 5 minutes from a BTS Skytrain stop, clean, tidy, and relatively inexpensive at about $70 a night.
I hadn't seen Jami since Mary's wedding in October 2010 -- wowsa -- so it would've been pretty sweet reuniting anywhere, let alone Thailand. Unfortunately J had arrived at 7am and having already been tromping around, exploring markets, for 4 hours, she was fairly beat. We took long hot showers to shed the plane icks and then rested for an hour or two before heading out to officially activate vacation mode. If I had said that last sentence while actually on the trip, I would've done it my Robot voice. Jami really liked my robot voice.
So, Bangkok is situated along the Chao Phraya River, which winds through the Eastern region of the city. The Wow! (and many other hotels) are located on the Western side of town near the business/shopping/financial districts, but majority of the big sightseeing destinations (Grand Palace, all the Wats, etc.) are near the river. Quick note: you are much better off traveling b/t the east and west regions by train v. by taxi as traffic in the city is Manhattan/LA-bad, no joke. Anyway, so - given that much of the beauty of the city dwells riverside, a great way to take in Bangkok is on a boat. We spent about two hours of our first evening on a long-boat which we hired randomly (and bargained hard for) along the river, down near Chinatown district I believe. Seen at sunset, it's pretty breathtaking -- that ethereal, golden light illuminates the Royal Barges Museum, Wat Rakhang, Wat Arun; it's like a little curio case welcoming you to the East.
At odds with the beauty of the landscape is the tourist ritual, and charming privilege, of feeding the slimy bug-eyed carp that fill the river, with little bags of bread crust.
Strangely satisfying. As for the fisherman we passed, I did question the sanity of any human who willingly consumes those fish. But, chances are, I ate fish from that very locale at some point on my trip given most of the fish I ate was simply called "steamed fish" or "fried fish"...
At the conclusion of our sunset cruise, we were hungrier than carp (not a misspelling). We ambled through a very expansive flower market (Jami questioning the business rationale of a thousand vendors selling an identical product at an identical price in an identical location) and through smaller food markets un-dotted by tourists (where Jami told me to hold my horses on the mystery meats, etc. for at least 24 hours) and had significant trouble in locating a reasonable institution for eating. I did, however, succeed in drinking a Coke out of a bag (they like to keep their bottles). And eventually, like 2 hours later, we ended up in the central part of the city which somewhat resembles Times Square and found a restaurant lacking in white people (a frequent goal of ours). Granted, it took about 2 hours for the bulk of our food to come, but it wasn't disappointing. My fried "fish" in chili sauce made my mouth burn for hours (in a very delicious way), our plate of "northern Thai appetizers" surprised with its zesty sausage pieces, and the green curry introduced us to the baby eggplant (very bitter, but I just had to keep eating them to make sure they were still bitter, and, they were).
It was a big day. So then, we slept.
12/26/11
We didn't necessarily mean to do it, but we slept in. That's what happens after you travel for like 48 hours. Starting a bit later than expected meant beginning the day with lunch v. breakfast. Jami had been talking about going to Cabbages and Condoms – a restaurant affiliated with The Population and Community Development Association, which provides family planning education and resources in rural areas (and decorated head to toe with sculptures built purely from colorful arrays of condoms) – before we even got our plane tickets, I think, so it was a must for lunch. Latex scent-sations aside, it's a pretty cool place. We sat outside on the patio, which is leafy and quiet, and had an assortment of items. Pork dumplings wrapped in little packets of morning-glory blue wrappers, crunchy coconut bits and nuts served on leaves (of some sort, an "ancient" Thai appetizer), soups, cold Tigers, of course.
Lunch accomplished, it was time for culture. We headed to the Grand Palace, which also houses the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, around 3, and were met at the gates by a gentleman who informed us that the temple was now closed to visitors - for "yellow families only" is how I believe he phrased it. But, we were in luck, he was quite friendly and "advice for you - all free!" Why, thank you! He told us that essentially all the temples were now closed for the day. And he was so charismatic and genuine that with wide unblinking stares we nodded along to his narrative about this one special temple and unquestioningly hopped into his friend's tuk-tuk to go to said temple (very cheap fare -- government tuk-tuk!). We did go to a temple -- it was beautiful -- but perhaps we should've been dubious when a man at the temple told us about its history...and also pointed out the blue-tiles lining the main Buddha's base: "sapphire color. you know why sapphire? sapphire for protection. you should buy a sapphire here in Thailand. in fact very good deal on sapphires today..." Our next stop was miraculous a jewelry store. Where I may or may not have purchased a sapphire. (Hint: I did). It was around this point that we realized we had fully been had, but we still had another stop, and our driver couldn't collect his "free petrol" without one more stop, at a silk shop, where we were pretty much kicked out for "wasting the shopkeeper's time."
We had one last chance for culture left in the day: the Jim Thompson House, which we knew was closing up shop soon. We urged our driver on and arrived at 5:15; ticket sales had ended. Fortunately, we counted this last defeat as a win, as you can pretty much see the grounds and home in its entirety without purchasing a ticket. Jim was an American architect who found his way into civil service in the mid 20th century, which provided extensive travel opportunities. He was discharged at the close of WWII and opted to move and settle in Bangkok, where I think he assumed a life similar to the Dos Equis Man. He built a bad-ass open-air teak home in traditional Thai style, filled with luxurious antiques from the around the world, and established a lucrative silk business, before disappearing into the jungles of Malaysia, never to be seen again…
Our next order of business was having a poorly-made cocktail on the 60-something floor of some massive hotel. We selected the Banyan Tree, and may I insert here how maddening it is when you can see something that tall but can’t figure out how to actually find a route that leads to the building’s entrance? I wouldn’t recommend eating at the Banyan Tree restaurant, as a dozen oysters will cost you nearly $50 (ridiculous by even Geneva standards…), but the views from the roof are amazing. Plus, if you forget to bring closed-toes shoes, you just might get to experience what it’s like to put on a pair of black leather orthopedic clogs that have likely been worn by at least 876 other tourists, most of them considerably less hygienic than yourself. I have never been so sad to see my flip-flops taken away (with tongs), and I have absolutely never worn such a hideous pair of shoes in my lifetime. So – tip: bring some closed-toes shoes with you. Doesn’t matter unstylish they are, if they’re closed-toed, they’re allowed in, unlike my Havianas.
Cocktail had, we tuk-tuked our way to the infamous Patpong District. Before diving in, we had some $1 bowls of soup street-side. Thus fortified, we made our way into the maze of booths selling must-have gear such as t-shirts emblazoned with catchy and creative slogans like “iPooed”, tattoo “sleeves” (to fit in with the general populace), and flashlights that project classy images like spread-eagled women. As you can imagine, I picked up at least one of each item. Eventually your attention turns from the upscale merchandise to the fellow wanderers: a mass of tourists (of the old white and male variety, mostly), hookers, and sex show hawkers who eagerly show you a list of what’s on stage. I never knew the human vagina was capable of such a wide array of wonders. Seriously, these women could lose their arms, legs, and mouths and survive better than most able-bodied women.
We turned down all the offers and found a quiet little French bar where we could sip Tigers and people-watch. It’s interesting, the direction your conversation turns, in such a tawdry atmosphere… And after a couple beers, your curiosity gets the best of you. It’s unavoidable. We took a hawker up on the offer “you watch for free!” and climbed a narrow set of stairs to take in our first and most definitely last and only ping-pong show. Did you know that it’s possible to actually pop a balloon with a plastic dart shot from your nether-regions? Did you know that a mouth is not required to operate a whistle? And as for the obvious portion of this show, there is nothing quite like having your thigh grazed by a ping-pong ball that is not used for a table-top game. This latter event, save for scarring me for life, also satiated our curiosity. We went to pay for our beers (100BHT each x 2 = 200BHT, or about $7) and were given a bill for 3000BHG (about $100). I guess the show was not in fact free, and we had not just purchased beers, but “lady drinks”. As I still haven’t figured out what exactly a lady drink is, I cannot tell you. But they are not free. Or cheap. We promptly entered into a heated argument with the lady in charge, the madame of the house, who I think may have been trained by the Russian mob. Given the quality of her English, the quality of our Thai, and her general scariness, the conversation didn’t go very well. Eventually I threw 1000bht at her, said “that’s it! Jami, we’re leaving!”, and we fled. As we turned she screamed some things, and a colossal-sized Thai bounder appeared and pursued us down the staircase. We didn’t stop running until we were in a cab outside the Patpong and even then Jami kept turning around to see if we were being followed. So far so good, so I guess we escaped.
